That Awful Word

My Grandpa.

My super hero.

The man I've watched my whole life work for everything he has.

The one who is up with the sun and not back until it's down.

A Godly man who believes with everything in him in the laws of sowing and reaping..

The man who has showed me you can achieve anything you want as long as you want it bad enough.

The one who no matter how rough his hands or hard his belly could still hug me with all the tenderness in the world as he whispered " Love you ladybug".

The man who I've watched my children come to adore just as much as I do.

The man who up until yesterday I thought was invincible is now the same one who is facing the news that could quite possibly break my family.

Cancer.

A word that has recently taken a whole new meaning in my life.

A word that I hate with everything inside of me.

A word that is threatening I life that I love so very dearly.

Please be in prayer for my family as we face the uncertainty of the next couple of days. Pray for peace and for healing because I know that no matter what the doctors say their word is not the final one.

Who Is She...

Who is this girl in the mirror I see?

The one with sorrow filled eyes and tear stained cheeks

Where are the hopes and dreams that use to fill her wings?

Now all I see is a flightless bird struggling to break free

Free from the boundaries of black and white

And the shades of gray that are filling her life

Worried about the lives affected

And wondering whether to sacrifice or be selfish

Is selfishness so bad when happiness is the return?

If when that happiness results in someone else’s hurt?

When sacrificing comes at the expense of becoming who she needs to be

Even though it brings someone else security?

So here she is caught in the undertow

So desperately trying to find a foothold

Something to get her head back above water

To feel that sweet relief of air fill her

Who is this girl in the mirror I see?

The one who is getting pulled out to sea…drowning…

First Day September

After the week I endured my mom thought it would be a good idea to kidnap me for the weekend. The plan was to wake up Saturday morning, head over to the animal shelter to pick up our new furry friend, and then head off to Dalton with mi madre and my brother's lady friend Kerry. However, after locking myself out of my house AND my car, waiting 2 hours for roadside to come, missing the animal shelter closing time by 5 minutes, and almost running out of gas we settled for pedis, dinner at PF Changs, cheesecake, and a night of cards at the Holiday Inn. And it was exactly what I needed....

So here is my first day September and a little of my second.

Linking up with Nic and some other fabulous ladies at Journey To Josie.

 

on the front porch...where I sat...FOREVER waiting for roadside

 

 

 

 

(largest target clearance section I've ever seen...can you say heaven???)

 

 

The Broken Places

This week started off like every other....promises of a new week, a busy schedule, and the excitement of being a little closer to sharing a secret, that looking back now I am glad we kept to our self, only for it to fall apart before it even began.

Scott and I were 7 weeks pregnant, expecting our third child but like too many of the other pregnancies it ended with nothing but an empty womb and heavy heart.

Before we had Matalie we went through this a few times and the doctors wanted to bring us in for genetic testing. After being able to carry her full term we thought everything was ok but the outcome of this weeks doctors visit is putting us back in the same boat and claiming our little lady's existence is nothing short of a miracle.

At the moment we are just taking time to let our hearts heal before we decide the next step we want to take. I wish I could say enduring this time and time again has made it easier but I would be lying. This week has left me broken and your prayers for our family are greatly appreciated.

Let The Sunshine In

Since I have been on my own my home decor has consisted of the deep red, chocolate brown, and olive greens....in every room. Don't get me wrong, it is a great color scheme but after a while the dark colors started wearing on me. I wanted a brighter outlook on life and with it a brighter home, but when all your decor is the same color how do you switch it up with out spending a fortune???

The answer???

Lots of spray paint and scrapbook paper :)

I have been working on project brighten up for a while now and everything is finally starting to come together. here are a couple of befores and afters....

Living Room Before



Living Room After

Dinning Room Before

Dinning Room After

Foyer Before

Foyer After

Master Bath Before And After

And Now My Favorite Before/After

The Playroom/School Room Before



Playroom/School Room After

He is captivated...by me

My child, I wish you could see you through My eyes...

You are beautiful...so beautiful

The purpose inside of you?

Greater than you could possibly imagine

Let go of the things you are so desperately holding on to

Let go and cling to Me

I want nothing more than to be your Light in the darkness

Oh how I long to pull on the greatness I have planted inside of you

How I crave your voice singing My praises

There is no sweeter sound...

My child, can't you see how you captivate Me?

I am so in love with you

And if you were the only one, I would have laid it down all the same

Because you are worthy...

Worthy of this unconditional love

Nothing you can do will change that My beloved

So stop running away and run to Me

Crawl into My lap...listen to my heart beat

Beat for you

My child, try for a moment to see yourself the way I see you

I ran across this tonight while going through my prayer journal. At the time i wrote it it seemed irrelevant to me because it was a time that I was so deep in my relationship with Him.

After I had finished writing it I went through it and said God this must be for someone else. I know the greatness You have planted in me...I know that Your love for me is unconditional...You reassure me of my beauty in Your eyes every day...and I know there will never be a time that I don't want to sing Your praises. All while He was shaking His head saying...my child, you will see.

Because He knew not too long from then I would be struggling with every bit of that revelation. And that I would have drifted so far that I couldn't hear Him the same way as before. And at that very moment I would need His reassurance of His love to find my way back.

Yet again Daddy...you have left me broken and simply overwhelmed.....



Break It

For those of you who do not know I have recently started working full time again and it just so happens to be on the weekends.

"But what about VTTN and praise and worship???"

My word I can't tell you how many times I have had to answer that question the past couple of weeks and the answer never comes easier.

But thankfully I attend a church where the Spirit is not just there on Sundays but every time His people are there. I get to love on Him just the same and get fed just as much if not more on Wednesday as I would on Sunday.

Tonight Bishop shared a word that struck me pretty deep and that I feel obligated to share. We are coming up on our church wide fast which has people asking quite a bit of questions.

"Why do we fast"

"What is the purpose of fasting"

"What can I expect to take from this experience"

Bishop about summed every one of those questions up with one verse:

"Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?"

Isaiah 58:6

Still not so sure what this whole fasting thing is about???

Neither was I until Bishop explained it this way.

A farmer uses two things to steer an oxen, a yoke, which is a large leather piece that is placed around the oxen's neck, and the chains or cords that attach to it. By holding on tight to the chains the farmer can control the direction he wants the oxen to go in.

It works the same in the spiritual realm. The enemy is the farmer and we are the oxen, bound by our yokes....addiction, pride, lust....and with those and the chains attached to them he controls the path that we are walking out. It may even seem as though we are going in the right direction but as long as we are bound by those things we are giving the devil full control.

Fasting does exactly what the above scripture says....if we see the whole thing through.

"To loose the chains of injustice..." As soon as we decide to fast and start on our journey the enemy realizes the direction we are heading in and drops the reigns. Our problem is that once we feel this slightest bit of freedom we decide that is all we need and stop there. What we don't realize is that we are still carrying our yokes and dragging the chains behind us and at any moment the devil can slip back in behind us and pick up the reigns again.

"To untie the cords of the yoke..." Our chains are gone and now we are free right??? Wrong. Although we don't bear the weight of the chains anymore we are still bound by our yokes and yet again all the enemy has to do is wait...wait for the moment when our minds start drifting in the wrong direction.... to simply retie those chords and regain control.

" To set the oppressed free..." There! It says it, our yokes have been removed and at last we have freedom! Wrong again. At this point it almost seems real....that we have regained control once and for all. We are dancing and shouting our hallelujahs and glory be to Gods not even realizing what the devil sees....that we have simply removed our yokes from our necks...not our lives. We also don't realize what a patient being the enemy is and that all he has to do is wait....wait for that moment that we let the gossip drip from our tongues....to ever so quietly sneak that weight we thought was gone for good back on to our shoulders.

"To break every yoke...." The moment we decide to let go of the very thing that is holding us back....the moment we refuse to let our heart or eyes wander in the wrong direction...the moment we choose to lift each other up with our words instead of murdering each other with our tongues....when we choose, with our hearts and minds, then and only then will our chains be torn and yokes be broken.

I am so sick of the enemy binding me with weight that I thought I had got rid of long ago. I am tired of finally feeling like I have regained control only for him to snatch the reigns from me yet again. And I am done watching my brothers and sisters fall victim to the same thing. We are suppose to be advancing His kingdom but how can we when our every move is being determined by satan???

 I refuse to allow any yoke, big or small, remain in my life and declare them broken! I will walk in freedom and live a life of purpose....purpose for His kingdom alone!

Will you???

Be Yourself

People ask me all the time, "what's the hardest part of having a girl?".

I could answer the attitude, because lets face it, every little girl comes equipped with one, but when I really think about it my answer is making her always feel beautiful when others may not approve of her way of expressing beauty.

The first time we really had to deal with this was in earlier this year when she got bit by a dog and had to have stitches on her lip. The day after her accident I put her in front of the mirror to show her and it broke my heart when her reaction was to shy away from her reflection.

That moment made me realize the emphasis that the world puts on outside appearances and beauty.

It made me realize that one day there might be someone who makes my little girl feel like she is not as breath taking as her momma tells her she is.

And it also put this lady's defense on alert.

For her to know at such a young age that there was something wrong with the way she looked, and hide her face from anyone who tried to see was a wake up call for me.

I now know that she is her own person, even if it is a little one, and there are already certain things that make her feel beautiful and things that don't. I then decided to let her have a say so in daily attire, with some supervision of course :).

We have gone from girly sandals to tennis shoes, fancy bows to none at all or even fancier in some cases, twirly dresses almost every day, and solid colors to rainbow toes.

Yes, I may get some disapproving looks when we walk through CVS and it looks like my child got dressed in the dark, but watching her walk around in confidence with a big smile makes it every bit worth it.

I'm not claiming that she will never have to deal with people making fun of the way she is or dresses but as long as her answer is always yes when I ask if she feels beautiful that's enough for me :)

First Day: June

Brought to you by Amy's android :)

Linking up with this lovely lady

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

Why I shouldn't assume she is playing quietly with her barbies :/

First Day April

Our first day was a pretty busy one. It started with worship and word at my home away from home, continued on into an easter egg hunt at Nics, and finished up at the parents with some homemade gumbo...yummmm :)

Linking up with the sister :)