Hi / Low

I know that I have only been in the blogging world for a week now but I really want to start this now instead of later. We have been to a couple of Bible studies with this awesome couple and they like to play a little game called hi/low. Most people grumble at the sound of it but me, I love it. I don't know how to explain, it's almost like getting it out in the open and being able to talk about it makes the bad things not so bad and the good things even more special. So every Monday I will be posting my high for the past week and my low. If you want to share feel free to leave yours in the comments, but this is more for my benefit so don't feel like you have to.

Low

Most of you know what we have been going through with Luke, and if you don't you can read about it here. I have to say that he has been doing much better lately, but we hit our biggest obstacle this week. T-Ball. Luke has been playing ball since he was three, and guess who his coach was every year. I knew from the moment Andrew left that this was probably going to be the hardest thing to get through for him and I was right. On the way to church Wednesday night the subject of sports came up so I thought I would give it a try. I told him that sign ups were right around the corner and he needed to let me know if he wanted to play. I must have caught him off guard because he got very excited and said- Yes!!! I want to play ball with my daddy!- I just held my breath and waited for the realization to kick in and when it did it was like a punch in the gut. All at once his smile turned into a frown and that excitement turned into heart break, again. After that he said he did not want to do it with out Andrew. I had a feeling that would be the answer but it still doesn't make it easier. Luke LOVES baseball and I hate watching him give it up. I know it is soon though, and I will not push. We will just have to try again next year.

High

With that said, my high for this week would definitely have to be date night with my love. It was a close race though, considering this week was full of fun events, but in the end my hunny always wins :)

If you would like to participate by linking up with your blog you can do so here

Doesn't Get Much Better Than This

To say that 2010 was a challenging year for Scott and me would be an understatement. We had a serious decrease in finances, we weren't able to pay our bills, then we were hit with Andrews death, and by that time we had pretty much put our marriage on the back burner. We had gone from being madly in love to just co-existing and by the time I had realized it we were too far gone. The whole year was just awful, and if we never have to go through any of that again it would be way too soon.

We did finally get everything together and ended the year with Scott getting a new job, all of our bills paid up to date, and our income increased substantially(I should mention that this was all after we came up under the authority we are under now and started honoring God with our tithe, but that's a whole other post :))

Looking back on 2010 the one thing that we wanted to take from it was to always put our marriage first. I want to know that whatever my husband needs he is getting from me and vice versa. So we decided that at least once a month we were going to go on a date. Just me and him, dinner, maybe a movie, and endless conversation that has nothing to do with the children or work. Because believe or not, one day your children are going to grow up and leave and if you haven't stayed connected to your husband/wife where are you going to go from there?

I knew something was up when he came home with these

But I had no idea it was going to be as amazing as this past weekend.

I love, love, love going to the city. Even if it is to do the same thing we can do close to home. I love the lights, the big buildings, and most of all

Oh yes, you read that right. We don't even have a Starbucks in a 15 mile radius of our house, let alone a 24 hour one. If I didn't love Atlanta before, I am head over heals now. We headed up Friday evening and went to my favorite restaurant, Carrabas, then did a little shopping at Old Navy, and followed it up with a movie. Just when I thought the fun was over we headed to Vinings and checked into a hotel. Why you might ask, when we have a perfectly good bed at home. I will tell you why, to go shopping at one of my favorite little outlets the next day.

That happens to be the home of a couple of my all time favorite stores

I could spend hours and hundreds of dollars in Francesca's if I could get away with it.

I can't begin to tell you how lucky I feel to have a husband that knows the way straight to my heart. And I am not just talking about shopping and Starbucks. I can be unbelievably stubborn at times, not the easiest person to get along with, but he still loves every part of me. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

Thank you baby for the most amazing date night! I love you more than you will ever know!

Just One Of Those Days

June 14, 2010 is a day that I will never forget. I am sure everybody has one of those, sometimes good, sometimes bad. I wish I could say mine was the former but it was not. It was the day that I got a call saying that my little boys life would be changed forever.

Andrew Stephens, 25 years old, Luke's father, had been in a car accident. The result, four days of hell, a lot of decisions that no parent should have to make, and in the end a life lost. I honestly can't tell you what happened in that short time, it is all just a blur. The only thing I can remember is asking myself over and over how am I going to tell my child that his daddy is not coming home. Because how does any parent explain that to a five year old? Thankfully Luke understood a lot more than I gave him credit for. He didn't see why he needed to go to the funeral or the viewing to say goodbye to his daddy if he was already in Heaven, he talked about his daddy living with Jesus now, and told me every time I asked that it was ok and he wasn't sad. With him taking it so well I decided that it was time for me to start putting it behind me as well.

It wasn't until months later that I started noticing the vacant look in his eyes, or the fact that he had stopped talking about Andrew. So I started trying to bring him up in conversation only to watch Luke shut down and grow quiet. After that the emotions started flowing. There were nights I had to lie in bed and hold him as he sobbed because he missed his daddy so much, the questions about Heaven started and how could he visit there, and eventually the statement that broke what was left of my heart into pieces. He wanted to die so he could be with his daddy. We had reached rock bottom.

I can't even begin to tell you what this feels like for a parent. Through this whole process I got mixed emotions from the people around me because they weren't sure why I was so upset. After all, Andrew was my ex-husband and I had Scott. Yes, it was an unfortunate event but shouldn't I be ok by now? All I can tell you is that grieving for your child is completely different than grieving for yourself. It tore me apart knowing that the one thing my baby wanted most was the one thing that I could not give him. It killed me watching him hurt and not being able to do anything to fix it. Because that's a mamma's job isn't it? To kiss all the boo boos and mend their broken hearts?

I finally decided that I couldn't do this by myself and in a desperate attempt to make things right ran to the only healer I knew that could fix this. I laid it all down at His feet and prayed for the wisdom and words to speak to my little boy to help him understand more. So we started discussing Heaven more and Gods purpose for everything. And that as long as he had Jesus in his heart, that one day when his purpose was up, that he would see his daddy again in Heaven. I know it wasn't the answers he was looking for, but I slowly started seeing the twinkle in his eyes come back, his laughter started filling the house again, and now when we talk about Andrew it's filled with love and not hurt.

Does Luke still miss him? Every day. Is everything ok and back to normal? I don't think it ever will be. Because the truth is, we are always going to have our days. Those days when all the emotions come creeping up. Those days when you are going about your business and all of a sudden the thought of him starts tugging at your heart. Those days when I see Luke stop to look at his picture and catch the longing in his eyes. No matter how much time passes there will always be that piece of our heart that is missing. But we know that this life is not all there is, and there will be a day when we will all be together again. Until then, we will be grateful for those days, and every other, because each one is a gift and you don't know which one will be your last.

A Bit Much

You all know who this handsome stud is

He is the little boy who gets sent home with this everyday

 As if eight hours of school wasn't enough for a six year old already lets add another hour of homework on too.

And when you add the two together

It equals one very sad little boy

And who could blame him???

A boy his age should be outside playing, exploring, and taking time to learn things that are of interest to him like how many different kind of snakes live in Georgia.

(Yes, he really did ask this question the other day and was rather upset when I didn't have the answer)

But how can you do that when you wake up at 6:30, get ready, eat breakfast, go to school until 2:30, come home, get a snack, sit down and do an hour of homework, eat dinner, take a bath, read a book, and by that time its 7:30 and we have to get ready for bed so we can get up and do it all again the next day. I know it's something every child has to go through but it breaks my heart seeing him so confined with his weekly schedule that he doesn't have time to just be Luke. That is why, after much debating, researching, and a whole lot of praying I have decided that starting next year I am going to home school him. I am still juggling between two curriculums, but as of right now I am leaning more towards My Father's World which is a christian based program. To say that Luke is excited would be an understatement. It is going to be challenging at first, especially with Matalie at home as well, but in the long run I know it is going to be so much better for him. So if any of you have homeschooling advice, or are in the process of homeschooling your own children, I am all ears and open to any suggestions. Cause Lord knows this momma could use all the help she can get!







My Favorite Chocolate Chunk

Turned one on Friday!

I could never express to you how much I absolutely adore this little boy.

Almost as much as I love his big sister

Saturday Nicole had a little shindig for him.

Cupcakes

Friends

and Pizza

Three of my favorite things.

Happy Birthday sweet Gabriel!

Aunt Amy loves you too the moon!





Where Shopping Is A Pleasure!

At the beginning of every week I sit down with my paper and pen and write out our grocery list. After that, I head on down to our local Publix to get my shop on. Sounds pretty simple right? Wrong. You see Matalie's favorite person in the whole wide world happens to be the manager at our Publix, therefore what should only take us an hour max turns into a two hour + event. There is no just walking in and getting what we need. First we have to find Poppy which requires walking past all the customer service people who each have to have their turn talking to us, then you have to page him and wait for him to come to the front, and after that the real fun begins. Because what kind of Poppy would he be if he didn't take his girl to get a cookie???

Once she has her cookie then it's time to visit each department, and talk to all the employees, rearrange all the shelves, and of course pick out all the food that she would like to buy.

Don't get me wrong. I absolutely love shopping at a place where everyone knows our name and is quick to offer help if we need it, but there is no such thing as a quick trip to the grocery store for us. Lord help us if Poppy ever gets another job.

Too Soon???

Scott and I have been going back and forth the past couple of months about when would be a good time to potty train Matalie. With Luke I didn't start until he was three and it was a breeze. She will be two in March, which I think is a little too young, but they say girls are easier than boys when it comes to these things and she has been telling us when she has gone in her diaper. So we decided to just go ahead and give it a try and see what happened.

First I tried putting her on the big potty.

Needless to say, she was not impressed.

So I went out and bought the Mac Daddy of all potty chairs.

3-in-one, potty seat, stool, and cushion for big potty when she was ready. At first she loved it. Loved sitting on it, putting her babies on it, and mostly just getting to run around with out a diaper on. But when it came to actually using it for what it's meant for, not so much.

So I figured we were pushing her too hard and she just wasn't ready. That was until the other day when I hadn't heard from her in a while so I went to her room to check on her and found her sitting on her potty pooping.... with a diaper still on. Since then she has done the same thing two more times, but when I try to get her to do it the right way she still freaks.

So where do I go from here? Do I keep trying to push her or just let her be? And if we do decide to wait do I put the potty up so she doesn't get in the habit of using it the way she is or just let her figure it out on her own? Help!

I want to share a little something with you that was spoken into me not too long ago by an amazing woman of God who I hold very near to my heart. Ever since the conversation took place it has been heavy on my spirit and calls forth excellence from me and I hope that you can take something from it as well.

We are all called to praise and worship God. No matter who you are, big or small, old or young, singer or not God demands our praise.That's what we were created for anyways was to worship Him and declare His holiness. Many people misinterpret the whole concept into thinking that God needs our praises when actually He doesn't. He can call forth praises from a rock if He has to but that is not the way it was intended to be. But lets face it, there are just some days that we don't feel like worshiping, or praying, or just taking a moment to tell God thank you for everything that He has done. I know I am guilty of it, because the truth is life can get very hectic sometimes and by the end of the week you are just plain wore out. So here you come walking in on Sunday morning, dragging tail, and not in the least bit spiritually prepared to enter His presence. So we ride in on the coat tails of the people who have set the way, and by the end of the service we feel great. But come Monday we have lost it already.

This hits a little closer to home for me because I am involved with the worship team at my church. And I am ashamed to admit that there are many Sundays that I have walked into the sanctuary feeling as far away from God as it gets. Until I came up under the leaders I have now I didn't see a problem with it. I knew by halfway through the practice or at least before first service I would be good to go. But as a worshiper that is not what I was called to do. I am called to prepare the way for Bishop. Just like in the Bible when the kings sent the worshipers out in front of the army and by the time they got there the battle had been won. Whether you realize it or not, there is a spiritual battle going on around you. There is a battle going on for your community, for your schools, for your family, and for your children. So when you bring forth your praise and worship you are setting the way for the people behind you. By the time our worship team steps off the alter there should be no hindrances for our Bishop. In order to achieve this we have to have a true, authentic heart of worship.

We also need to make sure that we don't look down on others around us for their form of worship. Because the fact of the matter is there is no right or wrong way. As long as you are worshiping the One and Only that is all that matters. So to all my crazy people out there who are jumping and shouting along with me, don't be so quick to judge the ones standing in place lifting their hands. And to all you humble ones, don't be so quick to count us all crazy because you don't know what either person had to go through just to get to the place of worship that they are in now.

I challenge you to ask yourself, "which one am I"? Are you the one who is preparing the way for people behind you, or are you the one who is riding on everyone elses spiritual high?

Hello, My Name Is Amy

and I am addicted to taking pictures. It doesn't help that I've finally come to possess the camera that I have been begging for for like, forever. And I admit that my children now run when they see me reaching for it and my husband sighs when I tell him I need the computer to upload yet another million pictures from it, and my new nickname might be the mommaratzi but what can I say? I went from no camera to the camera of my dreams, and lets face it, your kids are only young once so I have no problem admitting that I might be a little obsessed. Or a lot, depending on who you ask. I have tried this whole blog thing a couple times already and failed miserably, but I am pretty sure that at the rate I am going Facebook will not be able to hold the amount of pictures I am uploading. So here I am again. They say third times a charm so hopefully this time around I will be a little more successful. We shall see :)